Stubbornness and Stupidity Can Move Mountains

         The goal was to have a set decision on what I wanted to focus on next year, the post April era, by the end of the month. A few weeks ago it was 50/50 on the athletic / biathlon vs the non athletic / real world approach to life. I was fortunate enough to have a meeting with a group of old and new coaches. We went over what was available and what unfortunately wasn't. Everyone made it clear that it was my decision and would support either direction. At some point, it was also mentioned that I'll know "for sure" what I want to do sooner or later and it won't be the 50/50 scenario anymore. Turns out that was precisely the case.

Former MWSC coach and USBA coach Per still using me as a reference.

         So I'm in the sport for another year. As mentioned before, pre-Olympic year retirement is seldom, so two more years is likely. Unlike past years, it wasn't the usually inability to give up. This time it was a conscious choice. This was the closest I've ever been to hanging up the fight and seeking normal world possibilities. In the course of one day however, it was clear (for more than one decision) that I was going to be a biathlete for a little while longer.
       The reasoning had to be justified though. If I stay in 100% and fail to figure it out or achieve my goals it will only have been an extra two years tacked onto an already long career of 100% effort. It wouldn't be easy to deal with over the next two years, but a decade or so down the road and I'll have those additional years beyond the glory result seasons to fairly say "I tried." There are more successful athletes that wouldn't be able to say the same. Let's not forget the other side. Should I finally break a threshold in shooting percentages I would be able to at least set myself up for greater results. Ski speed was up and down last season, but there was one too many days when better shooting would have drastically brought up the performance. Ski speed hasn't dropped off enough to give up on and depending on how to look at it, neither has shooting.
       It is not that I don't have other interest, more so, I would like more time to think it over. An education is still the works, but I'm taking my time more than I would like to admit. Nevertheless, an online class starts up this Monday with my name on the list. The horror stories of the real world are non stop. Based off of what I've heard it would seem there is no point in getting out of bed in the morning, much less pursuing your goals. So that being said, I'm aware of how crushing life can be.
      So what is the plan to make a notable difference on the shooting range?  The truth is there was a slight push to think outside the box last year at this time. Unfortunately, everyone was busy and occupied with other task and in the end my training stayed in the all too familiar biathlon training system. This isn't to say that that system doesn't work. It has worked for me before and I certainly would consider it a comfort zone, but it's clear now that outside opinions are worth the effort. An idea or two is on the wall and unlike my last update some of them are coming together. No details yet, but think other shooting sports and opinions.
      The logistic and resources needed to make this happen were a limiting factor in the decision process. Ultimately, the sooner I can make an itinerary of how to attack this year the sooner I can conspire a way to make it work. Training wise, the total volume will drop again this year. Most athletes don't have a problem making that happen. Typically increasing the total training load is the difficult part. Somehow I over shot my 700 hour plan last year and hit 770. In layman's terms, that's unusual. The loose idea from here is to keep the energy up enough for the important sessions and allot my schedule with enough time to make other arrangements feasible. Whether it's a niche part time job (any suggestions?) or a flight into Colorado Springs the drop in volume should alleviate some stress.

      Plus I didn't feel like writing a lengthy farewell update. Some things never change. Not yet anyways. Nothing is set in stone. A bit unlikely, but motivation could change a month down the road. For now, it's down to working my way back into training while pinning at an outside perspective on the shooting front. Not unlike the recent norm, weather has been all over the place. It was -8C the other day. I did some intensity on snow twice last week. It's not the best skiing, but the longer I can dodge roller skiing the better. It's amazing what a stubborn attitude can do when applied to the bigger picture. So hear's to thrashing it for another round. In the long run, if I win I win and if I loose, I win. 
     

An Update from the Camera

Crust skiing in Yellowstone is not so bad. 

Otherwise, it was sunny and summer in Bozeman. 

Late March in northen Maineh holding it's own. 

The best part is being able to ski on the crust on both sides of the country. 

The woods roads make for the best training almost anytime of the year. 

Fork in the Road

   

So what happens now? US Nationals (NorAm champs) are long over. With those races out of the way the spring time check out period has started. The goal for April has always been to relax. The peak focus of professionalism means a few coach meetings to discus training structure for the next season. This year things are different. Normally we're trying to come up with a new plan that's going to make the big difference I've been shooting for. Not unlike past years, that part is still in discussion. The difference circa 2016 is that that's only half of the equation.

          It was nice to see the other athletes on the A team in Northern, Maine again this year. The Fort Kent Outdoor Center did an impressive job hosting NorAm champs. The racing for me was solid. Nothing too out of the ordinary happened. Shooting was it's abysmal self for two of the three races. The mass start showed signs of improvement beyond the first stage anyways. Ski speed was right where I wanted it to be for all three competitions. I was clearly in the mix with the A team athletes.

 The limiting factor currently, is deciding what I want to be doing next year. The specific ideas range from training volume, to consulting precision shooter professionals, to finishing out an education, to finding a simple job. Where should I start? Well, in the big picture it's a two party situation. I can stay in biathlon and continue fighting my way back up to the level of three years ago. Or! I can abruptly and awkwardly declare retirement and start what would realistically be a new life.

If I stick with the sport for one more year I'm in for it two more years. Nobody quits the year out in an Olympic cycle. The thought process has been very conflicting. On one hand, grinding it out for another two years with little to no resources is an exhausting strain on everyone involved. On the other, were I to land another spot on the 2018 team it would all have been worth it. I wasn't named to any team again this year. Shooting must have weighed heavy because ski speed clearly was not my weak point comparatively speaking. I don’t clean sprint races very often, but when I do I’m at least capable of making the pursuit cut. Right now I'm looking into what resources are still available. Since nothing is official I'll hold off on the details.

Opposing directions include even more indecision. I wish I had an excuse not to get a degree of some sort, but the current scholarship deal I’m locked into is hard to argue with. I don't have a definitive idea of what to pursue yet, but at this point, simply committing to more than one class a year would be a decision within itself. Then there is the prospect of living in the real world. As someone who consideres quiet time to himself as good as currency, having a job that could enable me to live on my own is a tempting thought. To be fair that sort of job is also hard to find.

           There has been a lot of thinking going on and not so much decision making. My motivation changes from day to day. The goal is to have an answer by the end of the month. I'm going to wait and see what if any options I have. That aplies to both directions.
   

           Now, this is April. Since I had amassed some unused ticket credit that was going to expire there was no reason not to put it to good spring time use. It's down to one more connection flight to Bozeman, Montana. Proving once again that it is a small world I'll be staying with an old friend from northern Maine. Infact, to further drive home the small world theme, this trip will be a good chance to catch with several old friends from all over the place.

       All this, while trying to do less "am deciding" and more "have decided." Wish me luck